These will be the Frequently Asked Questions, and it will be presented in a really nice way.
Section 1: Normal Stuff
How do you handle payment?
Usually through PayPal, though we also accept cold hard cash, political favors, strange technology, or various cryptocurrencies. When Mercenary Coin is operational we’ll open a public exchange where you can barter for it.
Where are you based?
We are a global force distributed across nations, though the current Global Team Leader currently lives in Savannah, Georgia, USA.
What if I have a dispute with a freelancer? With a client?
We have a carefully engineered (read: hastily improvised) system of checks and balances to determine if it’s just a misunderstanding or if someone is being a dick. If someone is a dick, we kick them off the platform and might pursue legal action to discourage others from being dicks.
Section 2: Strange Stuff
I found some weird pages on your site that look like magical science fiction?
Our leader, Matt Jackson, has a rare brain condition where he is privy to the infinite fractal possibilities across multiple multiverse sets. He can talk a bit crazy sometimes, but we love him! We promise we’re not a cult! Most of us are pretty normal non-magical citizens of Earth.
Wait, you said current Global Team Leader? Are there more in the future and the past?
Consciousness is shared across all beings, and the coolest ones are aware of how to hack into the fabric of reality with their brains. It’s not practical for much, though, there’s in fact a paradoxical safeguard that prevents it from being observable. It’s mostly just a way to trip yourself out.
To replace himself so he can scamper off to a life of wild pleasures, Matt’s designing an Artificial Intelligence in the upper dimensions of thought (beyond the reach of machine intelligences) to run the Mercenary Network. When it’s done, you’ll certainly fucking know about it, as if you’ve always known about it.
You’ve piqued my interest. How do I learn more of the lore behind the Mercenary Network?
We’re flattered that you care! To start, we have lots of pages to check out. Here’s a link to some of our reading material. If you want to get really deep you have to invent a machine that reads quantum consequence chains and track down everything Matt has ever said or done or thought. Matt would be happy to help you build such a machine if you paid him to do it.
Why does your blog suck if you have all this content?
Matt has tried blogging, and it’s just not how he likes to communicate complex thoughts. He prefers to scream out unto the universe.
Section 3: Unique Stuff
Wait, I thought the Strange Stuff was pretty unique. What’s this section for?
This section is for Unique Stuff not focused on Matt Jackson’s strange fantasies.
Help! I’m freaking out! My entire conception of reality is a lie! Can you help me?
If it makes you feel better, you can give us lots of money to do cool things on your behalf so you feel important. We’ll even give you a cool nickname! Generally we can’t help with the existential angst, we can only distract you until you cease to exist.
Why even have these strange pages? Doesn’t it just scare and confuse potential clients? Why not be like a normal business consultancy?
Aiming for the average brings the average down. (Vanessa reword this with something clever)
I read all about the Mercenary Coin thing. Do you even understand what a cryptocurrency is?
Not really, we just like to say random stuff and sometimes people react by giving us money. It’s silly and chaotic but it works.